Watashi no kOkOrO
by Remmirath
Summary: Nakago's gone, but the Suzaku seishi are not so happy about it. Yui is left alone with Suboshi.
1. dOshite kOnna kOtO?

A/N: This does not follow the anime/manga.

Disclaimer: Fushigi Yuugi definitely does NOT belong to me. And I'm glad, 'cause if I was its creator, I would not have such freaking characters like Miaka and Tamahome wreck it by making them the lead characters. But I have much respect for Yuu Watase-sama, and I  do like Fushigi Yuugi, so…ALL HAIL YUU WATASE-sama! The title itself did not come from me. Meriadoc suggested it a long time ago so I could make a fanfic out of it (arigatou!) 

Watashi no kOkOrO ~My Heart 

"It's all over for you guys," a man in blue armor said as he raised his hand, up from his horse, and a ball of blue light built up around it, growing bigger and bigger, ready to strike a bunch of defenseless little star warriors. Beside him, on the same horse, was a girl, under a cloak, just staring at the poor people who were, in just a short time, going to die. A little boy was also there, smiling so wickedly. He was feeling great pleasure and excitement in seeing the people he so much hated about to get what they deserved.

They were high up on a hill, beside a cliff. The two groups of star warriors faced each other. Both their armies were fighting down the hill, one defending their country, and the other trying to invade and conquer it.

The man on the horse recalled the things they have gone through and reminded all of them about it. He gave out a silent laugh, and was now ready to fire his psychic beam that would mark their victory. 

But just as he was to unleash his weapon, a guy with a red shining 'oni' symbol on his forehead appeared behind him, to save his comrades from danger. He jumped up high, his hands raised into the air holding a shiny sword that he intended to use to finish the general off.

A fanged boy scowled. His companions suddenly felt confused and wore weird expressions and especially deformed faces, for they didn't notice him going up there.

But then, just as the oni was about to stop the enemy from killing his friends, the blonde-haired general turned to him, raised his hand and, with a nasty grin, fired the enormous blue psychic beam, blasting the guy up in the air, to the cliff, melting his armor, burning his clothes, and causing him to fall out of sight.

The maiden of the phoenix's terrified scream was suddenly heard and, in shock, she fell on her knees and wept despairingly on the ground. She was calling out her loved one's name and crying her heart out, and all that her friends could do was just stare at her sympathetically. They couldn't even go near her at all. They all had grim looks on their faces. The girl under the cloak was also shocked seeing such a terrible thing happen to the man she used to love. She muttered guilt and conscience, as she turned to the man beside her. She never wanted to go this far. She didn't want anything like this to happen. The little boy on the other horse sniggered and had that demented look on his face again. He cackled out loud proclaiming the 'dear monster's' death.

And then, someone suddenly felt the urge to make the first move. The purple haired star warrior found herself walking away from his place and coming closely to the weeping girl. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and swallowed. He started by saying the girl's name, and she bent down to pat the maiden's shoulder. He whispered her friend's name again, but before he could even put a hand on her shoulders to comfort her, the maiden stopped weeping. She rose up, even though with tears still flowing down her cheeks, and looked into her loved one's killer's eyes with anger raging deep inside her.

She swore to make the bastard pay as a beaming red light surrounded her body and an enormous and elegant scarlet phoenix appeared behind her, spreading its wings and giving out a shrill and frightening cry. 

The little boy gasped in horror the minute he saw this monstrous creature. 

And as they looked towards the phoenix's maiden, she rose up from the ground eyes filled with tears and still fixed on the cold-hearted man, who didn't seem to care and only showed underestimation for the girl. The maiden let out one last tear drop from her eye, roll down her cheeks, and fall on the ground. The clinging sound of the tiny droplet of water from the maiden's lonesome heart signaled the upcoming end of the general's life. The scarlet phoenix gave out a deafening cry (scaring the man's horse that it neighed furiously and panicked, causing the girl under the cloak to fall off. The little boy immediately went down his own horse to catch her and protect her from the phoenix's monstrous wrath.) The phoenix charged at the dead warrior's killer, who tried to defend himself with his own power but failed. The phoenix and its miko, with the help of their other seishi succeeded in making their enemy falter. The general's body was burning away, starting from his armor, then his clothes, and his skin. The heat and flaming energy of the scarlet phoenix was seizing his life bit by bit. Truly, its maiden's anger and sorrow for the death of her most beloved was so deep and vengeful. 

The enemy's leader was dying. He clenched his fists. _'Have I lost? Have I been defeated? Am I going to die without achieving my dream? No, this can't be. It just can't. I…I am…going to be…the ruler of the world. All of it…is supposed to be…mine. People will bow before me. They will bow at my feet. I cannot die. I must not…die. I…am…immortal.'_ He looked up and saw his maiden's face. She was staring down at him, eyes filled with tears. He whispered her name. Reminding the girl of her promise, he then asked her to make him invincible.

The girl held his hands tightly, repeating her promise, telling him to wait until she calls upon the sacred beast. That is when she could finally help him achieve his dreams. The blue dragon will make him the strongest man in the whole universe. She held his hands more tightly and whispered her words of love for him.

But the phoenix's power was yet too strong to be defeated. It was still burning up its victim's whole body, including his insides that he was gasping so hardly for air. He couldn't stop the sacred beast from killing him. Nobody could. He was still dying, whether he liked it or not. The maiden of the blue dragon was still crying holding tightly his hands begging him not to leave her. The general held up his hands, touched the maiden's face, wiped away her tears, and, to the little boy's surprise, told her that he loved her too. (Obviously, this is only another one of his FREAKIN' LIES!) And then, with one last gasp for air, he was covered in flames and was turned into ashes. 

The maiden of the east then cried out so loud, it seemed so much like she was losing her self. The man she loved was_ gone_.The young woman felt so much hate and anger inside her. She looked at her former friend loathingly, and just when she was about to stand up—she heard someone whisper her name. When she took a glimpse at this someone, she saw that it was the boy…the boy who was still there for her when there is no one else she can count on anymore. He was just standing there looking so worried about her. Then he whispered her name again…

The girl then smiled at him. She stood up, approached him, and, still smiling, said that they would now be going home. The boy smiled back at her and guided her up his horse. "I'm sorry to say that you may have won this time, Miaka," the girl said to the other maiden, with eyes not wanting to catch sight of her face. "But I assure you…" she had looked at her now, "We'll be back. And when that time comes, I'll show no mercy." And then, the Maiden of Seiryuu, the little boy, and the Kutou army soldiers withdrew and went back to the palace.

"Yui…" the Maiden of Suzaku whispered as she watched them leave. Then, with the rest of her companions, she also went back to their own palace, in the Konan Empire.

Sudden thoughts came into the minds of the Suzaku star warriors… _They won. They have defeated the army of Kutou. They've killed their leader. Nakago was not to disturb them ever again. Konan could finally be at peace. The war would be ending… for now. They could finally relax and be happy once more. But, they were not happy. They've lost a comrade, a friend. Tamahome was gone. And, also…also, it didn't seem like they would be left in complete peace at all. The Seiryuu no miko's last words, "We'll be back…we'll show no mercy." The war has not, yet, ended after all. There would still be more. And who knows if they could ever survive it again…_

Well that was pretty short. But what the heck, please review.                                       


	2. kOkO ni Iru

A/N: This is my favorite chapter, since I was able to finish it in a short time and it turned out very nice. I really like this chapter. Okay, I'm shutting up now..

_I'm Here…_

"How's Miaka doing?" Emperor Hotohori was sitting on his throne, worried sick about his beloved maiden. "Oh, if only I have been there with you at that time, I could've helped prevent this from happening. My poor Miaka, how I wish I had been more of a help to you…"

"Nobody wanted this to happen Lord Hotohori, and nobody is blaming you for it! It truly is not your fault sir," said Nuriko trying to reason out with him.

"But still, I know I could've done something to save Tamahome, and not make Miaka feel unhappy. If…if only I have gone with you, it wouldn't have ended up like this," Hotohori sighed. "I must figure out a way to make her feel better. I'm going to see her now." And he was off to Miaka's room to try and help reduce her sadness.

Miaka was lying in her bed, looking so deserted and hopeless. In her arms, were the clothes Tamahome used to wear. She clasped them tightly into her chest, and drenched them with her tears of pain and sorrow. "Tama…home…" she kept on whispering his name. And then the other Suzaku star warriors, standing right outside her door, would hear her cry out loud, "Why did you leave me Tamahome? Come back! Please, come back to me now!"

Tasuki was feeling so disturbed about how Miaka was taking the situation. "What shall we do now?" He leaned on a pillar and stared at Miaka's door, then caught a glimpse of Chichiri, Mitsukake and Chiriko. "Hey, why don't you guys think of something, eh? You're just standing there doing nothing! C'mon, say something. Your silence won't be able to help her through this you know," he scowled at them.

"Your mindless squealing won't do her any good either," Chichiri answered. "We're all trying our best to figure out a way to help her here, Tasuki. I understand that you're really worried about Miaka. We are too, and I think the best thing we can do right now is not to bother her and just hope she understands that Tamahome is gone and will never be able to come to her. Let's just wait until she recovers on her own."

A grunt was all that Tasuki gave him back.

"I believe what Chichiri says is right," said Mitsukake. "Although, I wish I could be of more help to her. If only I had the power to cure the pain inside her heart, I would gladly heal her wounds."

"Well it's too bad now is it Mitsukake? You won't be able to do that, ne?" snarled Tasuki as a reply.

"Yes, you're right, Tasuki."

Chiriko spoke next, "I also wish I could make Ms. Miaka happy. But, I don't know how. Being smart has no use now, I suppose. But I guess I'll just do what Mr. Chichiri suggested, and pray very hard that she could regain her cheerfulness."

They all paused for a while. And then after a few moments of silence, they heard footsteps coming their way. The emperor was approaching Miaka's room, followed by Nuriko. Hotohori came closer to the door and gently knocked on it. "Miaka, may I come in?"

"Leave me alone."

"But Miaka, I just want to see how you're doing."

"I said, leave me alone." 

Hotohori opened the door. "Miaka, I…"

"Didn't you hear what I said? I told you to leave me alone! I don't need any of your help. Nothing can ever make me feel better until Tamahome comes back to me safe and sound," Miaka sat up and yelled at him. "Whatever you do, I'm telling you, it's sure to be useless. You're all useless! I don't need any of you, especially you Hotohori! Now, just, please, go away and leave me alone!"

"Mia—"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!!!"

He immediately went out and shut the door.

"Lord Hotohori…" Nuriko came close to him.

Hotohori leaned on Miaka's door and placed his hand on his face. "I…I couldn't…" Then he left, heartbroken and feeling utterly useless.

Just as Hotohori had completely left the place, Nuriko barged into Miaka's door, destroying it as she went inside. 

"Uh-oh," Tasuki bellowed.

Chichiri tried to stop her, "Ano, Nuriko-san. I don't think you should…" but she just continued to stomp in front of Miaka's bed.

Miaka, looked at her. "What?" she snarled. 

_Smack!_ Nuriko had slapped her, so hard, that she fell back down on her bed, and her face swollen red. "How dare you shout at Lord Hotohori like that?! How could you have just embarrassed and disrespected him like that? You have some nerve even daring to do that!"

"Oh yeah," Tasuki growled. "Hey, Chichiri, guess Nuriko wasn't here when we had that lecture, ne?"

"It's not funny Tasuki-san," Chiriko replied. 

"Chiriko's right. This is bad. It's not a very good idea to do that," Chichiri approved. "This won't help Miaka at all."

"Tell that to Nuriko," grunted Tasuki.

"Well, it was his fault! He should have just left me alone," inside the room, answered Miaka, her hand placed on her red cheek. (She was facing away from Nuriko.)

"Do you even have any idea how worried he was about you? He was practically more troubled than any of us. Lord Hotohori loves you so much, that's why he came here to help you. But, you…Miaka, you've never even let him try! And you dare say those things to him. Miaka, just because Tamahome's gone, doesn't mean you're completely alone in this world. Look around you; there are so many people who care for you. Gosh, Miaka, you're so lucky. You still have so many friends. We're all here for you, Miaka…We'll always be. And I'm sure Tamahome is too, and I believe that he isn't happy seeing you like this either. So, please, cheer up okay?" Nuriko smiled at her.

"Un, arigato…" And, finally, Miaka smiled back. "…minna." 

 * 

"Yui-sama…" Suboshi whispered as he looked across the hallway and saw Yui heading towards her room, facedown and crying. She had tried, once again, to kill herself, suffering the grief of losing a loved one. It would've been beautifully executed, too, if Suboshi had only minded his own business and not stopped her from piercing a dagger through her heavy heart, and releasing all the pain lodged up inside it. And yet again, this annoying little brat followed her, and the trail of teardrops on the ground, with the meal he was supposed to bring her (He persuaded the servant to let him do it.), but just as he was standing right in front of her bedroom door, she slammed it on his face—"Ouch!" With this, he accidentally lost his grasp of the food tray and it fell to the ground, the plates and glass broken, and the silverware making a huge racket outside Yui's door.

"Aw, shoot! How clumsy of me."

_'Clumsy? You mean stupid. You should've just let the maid do that thing. You're no good at it,' _he thought to himself as he picked up the broken pieces of the plates he fooled off with. He looked up to the door, which was shut close. _'Oh good going! Now you've just missed a chance to talk to her just because you refused to look where you're going. Next time, keep your eyes on the girl, not the ground!'_  He looked back to the ground where the teardrops were slowly disappearing, then back to her door.

Then Yui suddenly opened the door, looking down and smiling—no, practically laughing at him. "What the heck are you doing down there?"

"Um, well…"

"Come in." 

Suboshi picked up the last piece of glass on the floor and followed her inside.

"You should've just let one of the servants bring that here," she said to him.

He forced a laugh, feeling awkward, and placed the tray on the table. _'Told you so.'_

She sat on her bed, then, invited him to sit with her.

"Yui-sama…ano, ore wa…" he started after being seated comfortably. ('Well, that's what I want her to think. I'm really not comfortable right here, you know.')

He was going to say something again (well, trying), but Yui stopped him when she reached out for her pocket and pulled out a white handkerchief, which she used to wipe off blood from his nose. ('Oh man, how embarrassing!')

"You should be more careful next time," she advised. "Don't go bumping into things again."

"Yui-sama was the one who slammed the door on my face."

"Is that so?" she giggled. 

Suboshi started again, "I just came to, um, see how you're doing. I was just wondering…if you were feeling alright?"

"I feel fine. Why do you ask anyway? I'm not sick."

"I know. What I mean is…well, about…" 

"Oh, that."

There was a sudden change in the atmosphere, and Yui's smiling face turned into a frown.

"Lady Yui…I…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…" 

She shook her head. "Ii yo. I'm alright…" she smiled again, but then started to cry.

_'I give you an A__+! You're really an expert in upsetting people, especially Yui-sama!' _

'Oh, shut up!' 

_'You shut up! So that you won't be saying stupid things anymore.'_

'Ch.' He looked back at Yui and tried to comfort her.

"Oh, don't worry about me. It's all right. I'm okay," Yui exclaimed. "I just…I just can't stop crying…that's all." 

"Yui-sama…I'm really sorry." 'Damn it! I'm so stupid' _'You are so right.'_

"I just don't know what to do," Yui cut in before he could build up what he wanted to say. "What am I supposed to do now?" Tears continued to burst out of her eyes. 

"Yui-sama…" 

"Tell me!" she dashed straight to him and started crying in his arms. "Please tell me what to do…I can't take this anymore. I just can't stand being alone like this. I need him…I need Nakago back! Suboshi, please tell me…how can I bring him back?"

_'Oh great! Now she wants Nakago. Things are really going good for you there aren't they Suboshi? Well, what are you going to do now? Come on, say something!' _Gulp. "I, um…" _'What? Don't tell me you have nothing to say. You really are useless!'_…'Hey, I'm not useless, okay!'… _'Oh yeah? Prove it.'_

"Why won't you say anything? Does that mean you can't help me either?" Yui cut in again before he could even think of what to say. "Well?"

"I…I don't know…I'm sorry." _'Now what the hell was that?! "Sorry?" Man, you're hopeless!'_

"You don't know? How could you not know?"

"Sorry."

She pushed him away. "Sorry? Would 'Mr. Sorry' be able to help me bring Nakago back? I don't think so!" she looked away from him. "I was wrong to have expected something from you. I should've known… You really are useless!"

_'Ha-ha! See, I was right.' _

She turned her back at him. "I hate you."

_'Ha! Now she hates you. Ain't that marvelous?'_…'Oh, shut up'… _'I was only being sarcastic. Lighten up!'_…'Hell, how could I _lighten up_ at a time like this eh? Stupid.' 

"Yui-sama," he stood up, in front of her, and started again. "I'm really, really, REALLY sorry. We all know General Nakago's gone. I'm sorry. I just don't know how we can bring him back. And I don't think anybody does either. It's just not—"

"Will you just shut up already? I don't need you anymore, okay. You're useless. You've always been. That's why I really hate you. If you hadn't stopped me then, I would've had my revenge on Miaka," she said as she turned to face him. "I hate you."

He wasn't looking at her. _'Hey, just get out of there already. You won't be able to do anything anymore. Just get out of there. You know that's what she wants you to do'_ He took precisely five steps away from her, and then stopped… 'No way' … _'What?! Are you crazy? Can't you see? She _hates_ you. She doesn't want to see you, or to talk to you, or even hear your voice. Don't you understand what that means?'_

"Well, aren't you supposed to go now?" Yui said to him.

_'Hear that? I told you already. Now, come on, let's go!' _He was trying to force himself out the door, but his feet wouldn't move a bit. _'Oh man, come on. What are you waiting for?' _… _'Oh no. Oh no. No way! Don't do it kid! Please, please, don't do it. You'll kill yourself if you do that. Heck, don't even try!'_  He then found himself approaching Yui…closer…closer. _'Oh man. Stop right there. I said, STOP!'_

And so, he did. _'Wow, I _can_ control my self! Wait a sec. What the—! Uh-oh.'_

Instead of finding himself marching out the door, Suboshi was standing right in front of Yui again, and was just staring at her.

"Didn't I just tell you to leave?" just as Yui said this, she found Suboshi pulling her up from her bed, his lips pressed tightly on hers. He wrapped his arms around her waist. "Don't you understand Lady Yui, I love you. You don't need anybody else, even Nakago, as long as I'm here with you. There's absolutely no use in looking for any other way to be happy. I'm right here. I'll make you the happiest person you could ever be. I won't ever make you cry, because I really hate it when you do. Suboshi will never make you sad, I promise—"

"Shut up! Just stop it okay. I hate this world. Ever since I came here, nothing good has ever happened to me. Nothing can ever make me happy as long as I'm in this place," she yelled at the boy, pushing him away, still crying. "And as long as I haven't had my revenge on Miaka, I won't be able to leave. So it's your fault! I was already going to get my revenge on her, but you…you had to stop me! I shouldn't have let you do that. It's all your dumb fault!" 

"Look, first of all, I never ever tried to stop you at that time. I was just worrying about you. You were the one who made the decision not to finish her off. And even if I had tried to stop you then, it would've been for a very good cause. Who knows what might've happened…especially to you."

"Maybe I should've just died! If I was only going to be miserable, I wish I could've just died! But you still wouldn't let me! That's why I hate you so much. I really hate you! You should have just let me die… I should have just died."

"You know what?" Suboshi scowled at her. "Maybe you _should've_ just died! Maybe it would've been better if I never interfered with you at all. It might've been better if I just let you die!" He paused. "But I couldn't let that happen. I just couldn't stand seeing you suffer like that, but I would hate it even more if you were killed. It would be very hard for me if you weren't here. I've already lost my brother…I don't want to lose you, too." He slowly started to walk away; then stopped, "Gomen nasai. I didn't mean to say that. I just…" Then he continued to walk. __

_'Stupid! What did you that for? That was a _really_ bad move man. You feel like killing yourself now?'_ …'Yeah. I guess I let myself react too much. Shit! That always happens. I guess I'm just too immature'…_ 'You sure are. Well, we're almost out. Just try to forget about this when you take the first step to the outside world, okay?'_… 'I don't think I can'…_ 'Well, that's just what you get for letting yourself go out of control.'_

"Suboshi, wait!" Before he could take the last step from the room, Yui had stopped him, and as he turned to face her, she leapt to him and he received the kiss, which probably meant, _"Thank you…for being here for me."_

_'Of course, I can be wrong.'_

Suboshi didn't know at first how he should react to this, but eventually, he kissed her back. Then, they suddenly found themselves kissing each other in a passionate situation. Yui started moving backwards, and, reaching her bed, they both slowly fell down on it. The maiden wrapped her arms around her star warrior, and he continued to kiss her with much affection. His lips went on in that state for some time. He felt the softness and warmth of her lips, tasted their sweetness, and found their meaning of acceptance and love. He slowly moved down to her neck. It was smooth and the scent was soothing, like a flower that had just blossomed after the cold winter storm. His mouth lavished onto her skin, releasing the knot from her school uniform ribbon, and plucking off a button from her shirt. His fingers ran across the side of her thigh and his hand made its way through the girl's skirt. He had strolled along her hip and waist as he loosened a stitching, so now the skirt had been partly separated from the rest of the uniform. He continued going upwards, and finally settled below her breast.

Surprisingly, he did all this very gently. Yui never felt him display a single sign of harshness or aggressiveness. He remained as innocent and kind as a child should be, without being the naughty little boy he is. He was more like an _angel_ rather than an _angle_ this time. Yui felt his breath warm her body, melting the cold ice that covered up and dominated her heart. No one has ever made her feel this way before. _And she thought of him as just a stupid little boy_. But Suboshi was no little boy. Well, at least not anymore. For now he knows how to treat a woman, just as a real man would.__

Suboshi laid his head on Yui's chest, and allowed himself to rest on her. He was like a baby this way; and Yui was his mother, singing him a soft lullaby. Her hand lay on top of his head, holding it there. She ran her fingers softly on his head, brushing through his hair gently. She heard him let out a small high-pitched sound, which sounded like a little child sobbing. He struggled a little, burying his face, roughly in between her breasts. "Yui…sama…" he cried, as her other hand gently massaged the nape of his neck, hushing him to sleep. At this, Yui found out that he isn't a man just yet. He's just Suboshi; Suboshi, who just took her without asking; making her fall into the darkness of nowhere, and then suddenly blinding her with the fiery light lying deep inside of him. The soul of this boy has entered her heart. It had released all the sorrow trapped inside of her, and filled it with his gentle laughter. __

**…**  

Hope you didn't get confused with Suboshi fighting with Suboshi. He's got two POVs, so his mind's kinda struggling in there.Once again, please review!


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